Thursday, March 30, 2006

There are many times that the outcomes of my personal relationships with people around me turn sour. No matter what I do or no matter how much I try, the situations do not get better. Sometimes, I wonder if the problems are from me or from the people around me. The Buddhism teaches me to think in a different angle. I am the one who has to take responsibility to whatever happen in my life, whoever I bring into my circle and situation I am living in. It is easier to blame on other people for our own misery than to admit that most of the time it’s our own misery that plays the important part in the bad situation. Once I believe that my problems stem from other people, I do not see the way out. My impulsive solutions to the situation are the reactions to respond to the actions I have received. Like I throw a ball to the wall, the bigger force I put, the stronger of the ball bouncing back at me. One day when the crisis is looming and the situation is getting worse, I decide not to continue this situation. I determine to change it to the root of the problems. I know I am the one who needs to change. Like Gandhi said we must be the change we wish to see in the world. To scale that grand idea back to the personal life, I believe I have to change to whatever I want to see in my life. In Buddhism, we believe every life, no matter how small or how big it is, is connected to each other. One small action will affect people around us like a ripple effect. We are taught to take a responsibility no matter if they are good or bad. In this equation, I am a variable number and people around me are fixed numbers. If I want another side of the equation become a positive number, I have to be a positive number myself. If people around me are negative numbers, I have to be the positive one. The more negative number they are, the more positive number I have to be. In this equation, it is up to me to be a positive number or a negative number. In this equation, it is up to me to transform the outcome of my situation. Tae Athikomvittaya

posted by sagicaprio at 10:27 AM
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Tuesday, March 28, 2006

This must be the craziest weekend here in New York City. The Black Party weekend that is (in)famous among those who are into leather and S&M. This is the second time that I join this party. Last year was not that impressive for me because I guess the music by Victor Catherone was too dark. However, this year is different. The event music is span by two DJs- Peter Rauhofer and Offer Nissim and it is amazingly good, in particular, when Offer Nissim spins after 7 am.

We get there around 2 am and the line has already wrapped around the block of Roseland Ballroom. Once we get into the coat checking area, I can feel the heat of huge crowd and men’s odor. Everyone starts stripping their clothes and transform themselves to whatever they have fantasy in those leather costume.

The dance floor is packed with guys in leather costume. Some of my friends wear just a tiny leather bikini and jump around; some bare their butt and walk all over the place. This year I do not put on any costume like last year but I do put some dark make up on my eyes.

This year, the show is pretty good. One show that amazes me is a rough looking guy with mustache and skin headed is on the stage with a big dildo. Above his upper body, I totally think he is a real man. Then my eyes travel down to his lower part, he does not have a penis but a women’s sex organ. He starts to put that dildo in his/her body. The music is pounding hard, she/he moves her hand accordingly. After the song, she/he throws that dildo to the crowd down there.

I have to run away.

This year I do not really feel the sleaziness of this party. Not because I get used to it but I do not see as many public actions as last year. But I do see a couple actions out of the dark room when I am sitting at the corner talking to my friends. The dark room is still the most popular destination, the organizer hire several people to hand out condoms and lubes in front of the dark room door.

I think it is called the Black Party not only because the nature of the theme costume but also it is the party that men unleash their dark side and fantasies. It is the small and one night of the private world that they can fulfill their desire.

The night passes so fast. Too many friends to hang out with, too many good music we enjoy, I finish the second Black Party at 10.30 am.

I have 10 hours for the next party at Alegria in Crobar.

After sleeping for 6 hours, at midnight Nicky picks me up. Then we pick Millet and Angel up at the Savoy Chelsea hotel.

We get to Crobar around 1 am. The place is already packed with topless men. As usual about the Alegria, the music is amazingly good, in particular, after 4 am. It is obvious that the crowd in Alegria and Black Party is totally different. The Alegria crowd is always younger and cuter. There are a lot of people out of town this weekend. I am introduced to many people, in particular, from San Francisco.

Unlike the Black Party, people here in Alegria just want to have fun with music. No sleazy behaviors appear. Everyone seems to enjoy the music by my favorite DJ- Abel. I find myself dancing like tomorrow. Twist, turn, jump and move all over the dance floor. The energy of the music and the crowd just push my energy to the roof. Since it is so crowded down there, most of the time, we dance on the stairs.

I finish my Black Party weekend at 9 am. My legs are sore, my back hurts. I leave Crobar at 9 am just to try to make it at 9.30 before the stock market opens. I have a lot of fun but I still have to watch all my babies in those stocks.

Dancing 20 hours, I am so tired but it is worth of that cardio exercise.

It is such a fun weekend indeed.

Tae Athikomvittaya

posted by sagicaprio at 11:18 AM
3 comments